When I was 6 years old I decided no one liked me. What a thing to think and make as a life statement so young, but it's true. I wasn't invited to a girls birthday party, being one of the only kids not invited. I was so upset, I lied. Yep, I was 6 so what do you do. I told my very best friend that I lost my invitation and needed the address and time. She gave it to me, I wrote it down and went home and told my mom I needed to get a gift for a girl in my class.
We bought a dress and some pretty sweet lip smackers, I was actually so excited! But, we got there, and I was looked at like a fool. By the kids and her mother. I didn't get to go to the party and I never told my Mom what I did to get there. I was 6 years old and I decided no one liked me and I wasn't good enough.
This thought led through my whole life, I can see how it followed me in every relationship, family, friend and romantic. So many situations kept confirming that I was not enough and I was constantly comparing myself.
Then, body image began to be a big part of the "I'm not good enough" mind. I started to diet at a young age and wanted to be skinny like my friends. I gained a lot of weight or "baby chub" when I was 11 and was made fun of for it. I didn't always eat the best, there was a convenience store right down the street. So yeah I ate a lot of junk, that didn't help. I was made fun of one too many times and decided to stop eating and start working out ALL the time!
I was 13 when I became anorexic and 14 when I thought I'd give bulimia a try (that didn't last long, thank goodness). But 3 years later I still wasn't eating much, before high school. I was 100 pounds, skin and bones. I never felt more less, and not enough. In high school I had several wonderful people in my life who helped me eat and gave me some hope. BUT, I wasn't happy and it showed in so many ways. Becoming an over eater I gained weight and lost once again. I compared myself to everyone who I thought was prettier, thinner and well, better than me. I wasn't enough for anyone, especially not myself.
I tried so hard in every single relationship, friend, family and romantic to be the one person they would love, and be there for. Except I didn't try with my own, the relationship with me. Self love is such an important relationship to have. When you have a strong sense of self worth and love for yourself, things begin to shift. Friends who were your "Besties", fall away and men who you thought loved you, do too. Relationships that no longer serve you basically disappear.
And what are you left with? YOU. To love and be kind to, to be your best friend, the light that lifts you up and the heart that holds you close no matter what. Because, well, you are enough. You begin to see that the relationships you now have are the ideal relationships for you. They love and cherish you as you now do yourself. Taking care of yourself mind, body and soul, is the most wonderful, generous thing you can do in your WHOLE life.
Self love, should be taught to our children and every person on the planet, period. Give yourself the opportunity to shift, love YOU more than anything else, and every one you love will feel it!
This shoot was to show that you can get to happy after an eating disorder. I recovered from Anorexia, I am a recovering over eater and very proud. I no longer put myself down because of my body or the decision that little 6 year old girl made so many years ago. I love her and ME every day. It's not always easy, but like in any relationship if its worth the fight, then FIGHT. I am enough for me and I know I am enough for every one else too.
Thank you so much to Michelle Liane for being apart of the beginning of something wonderful.
Self love is all you need to be happy.
You are beautiful just the way you are..
I hope this serves you.
Your Designer,
Amanda Garrett
