Wednesday, 6 July 2016
The Canadian Women's Foundation
My days start with a loving kindness meditation towards myself, those I love and care for and out to all beings from my heart to theirs. I truly believe that each of us have a purpose to create greatness on the planet. To change the world one breath, one beat of the heart and one smile at a time. Sometimes it feels like I am not contributing enough but I know with this small act each morning, I am doing something.
I didn't always do this, some days I woke up in such a horrible mood. I would look in the mirror and not even look at myself, just pass by or avoid my own eyes. I really disliked the person I was, and blamed other people for the experiences that I had. My life was dramatic and unreliable in so many ways, a lot had to do with how I perceived myself. I was never comfortable around people, always trying so hard to fit in and be liked, but also not always being the nicest person. Although as I went through school my friendships got better, but I still felt like I was never enough for anyone not even for me.
For me it was always about my weight, my body and not having what I wanted. When I was 9 years old I started getting really chubby, that stuck with me for a few years. I was made fun of and teased because of the way my body looked. Which just kept confirming for me that I, my body, wasn't good enough. I struggled with diets starting really young, and then one day a boy I went to school with, who I thought was my "friend" bought a chocolate bar. He held it out to me and said, "I know you waaaaaant it Amanda." ---I had, had it!
I couldn't bare feeling so unloved and looked down on because of my weight anymore, at 13 I started not to eat and worked out a lot. Three times a day as well as constantly going out with friends, (riding bikes, roller blading etc.). I lost 50 pounds in 2 months, when I went back to school from summer vacation everyone noticed and it made me feel so good! The guys were noticing me, girls that hardly spoke to me or spoke ill of me, were my "friends". Finally, I was enough!
Sigh of relief right? Not so much. I decided it wasn't enough, I had to keep it off. SO for a short time I starting making myself sick. However, and thank goodness that didn't last long. A good friend, found out while we were away at camp and said she would tell my mom. I thank her to this day for that! I did continue eating very little, by the time I went into high school I was 100 pounds soaking wet. Yikes! For my body type, being more muscular, that was incredibly unhealthy. AND guess what, I still thought I was fat!
Over the years I have struggled with body image issues, but over the last 4 months, I let it go. Yes, there are still parts that I wish were different, but I work on them every day.
The most important thing is I know I AM ENOUGH! I now look in the mirror with love and kindness towards myself. I say often 'I love you Amanda' because at the end of the day all you've got is you. I share this short version of this story, my story with you because I believe that all of us need to believe we are worthy of everything in this life, no matter what we look like how we feel about ourselves is so crucial.
I am a huge supporter of the 'As We Are Project' from the Canadian Women's Foundation. This month, being my 3rd year Anniversary, for each 'like' on Facebook that gets A.M.E.G. Designs to 300, a dollar will be donated to the CWF. THIS is where my journey has led me and it's not done yet. I am grateful because now I can help as many young girls and women as I can feel comfortable in their own skin. Because you are not alone, together we can take on the world!
Thank you so very much for reading.
Love and guidance your Designer,
Making all your dress dreams come true and helping to illuminate the beauty in you..
Canadian Women's Foundation
Investing in the strength of women and the dreams of girls.